... Panama? Es la verdad! I haven't written in a long time because I've been in pure survival mode. For the past 3 years, I've been building this life for my daughter and me that sometimes I cannot even imagine that we are living. I haven't posted a lot on the socials because most days I'm just trying to make it through the day, which often is no easy feat when you continue to choose to live outside of your comfort zone. I also haven't posted much on my own blog because I think for the first time in my life my emotions transcend my ability to describe them in a way that anyone would understand. But, I am going to try because I feel like I should for myself, if for no other better reason.
I don't know why my soulmate and I live in Panama. Panama wasn't even EVER on my radar of a place where I'd want to visit, let alone spend at least 6 years of my life with my little girl. And this has nothing to do with Panama in and of itself. It's a country that, at least for me, is/was off the radar. But maybe that was the attraction and what I was seeking. I wanted to disappear from the misery of "the states" and what they've become since the inception of the COVID CRAY.
Many don't believe me when I say we'd never even visited this country before we packed everything we owned into 3 suitcases and just moved from a year of living island life in San Pedro, Belize ( a country and island we love so much)!
Dichotomously, when so many from "south of the border de los estados" are trying to cross into the US, my daughter and I are doing the opposite. We are the salmon swimming downstream in this case?
However, these life decisions have its cost. Today was my little girl's first day of school at a world-recognized, International Baccalaureate School. I'm a single, working mom that has chosen to "color outside of the lines" to give my daughter the life I didn't get to have. There was a 'welcome to new families' event last week. I cried as they welcomed the new families. I cried tears of pride...,"I did it! We did it!". I was so proud that I was in a position in my life to give her this opportunity. I go to sleep with that pride every night. My vision, my goal, everything I’ve worked and still work so hard for are coming to fruition. It hasn’t been easy and Even Strong Girls Cry. So, it was especially momentous for me to stand among that group of people from all over the world that have likely done the same. However, those high moments in life are balanced, aren't they?
Today on the first day of school, I knew and warned her that these next weeks were going to be tough for her, as she’s still learning Spanish and a new culture. When I was waiting to pick her up outside today, and I saw her, it broke my heart. Her tears were welling all day. She missed her best friend from Belize. She felt out of her comfort zone. And all I could do was hug her, because I know mi hija, she's GOT THIS! She will have her circle of friends in no time.
I guarantee the next post will be about her and all her friends and how she wants nothing to do with me. And, she'll be my translator, because she's already a sponge when it comes to speaking Spanish. I hope she has the Panamanian accent, because I love it! Already her second day, she came home with no tears. Just excitement about having a locker to decorate and a new potential boy friend from South Africa that doesn’t speak English or Spanish. It’s challenges like these that will be invaluable to her strength of character and her lifelong success. I absolutely know that for fact. <3<3<3