Updated: Nov 18, 2021
"I rose up this morning and smiled with the rising sun...". Now I didn't have the 3 little birds to tell me the message that Bob Marley wanted to say in that, "this is my message to yoouuuu...singing don't worry about a thing, because every little thing is gonna be alright".
This song has such a huge history and meaning for me and I would say my little Daniella too. I never thought I would be able to be a mom. I suffered from infertility due to unknown causes. Yet, as a fighter, I was determined to become a mom, even though, like marriage, it was something I never even thought I wanted! However, when you know me and take my personality into account, you will understand. If the Universe says "you should not be a mom" (which was what was happening via trying the natural and fun way), I'm inclined to say, I will be a mom somehow and someway. You can not tell me no when no is not a reasonable answer.
So in 2009, I went through so many hormone-based fertility treatments. And, in a very popular Beverly Hills Clinic with clientele like....well let's say clientele that consisted of the highest of the Hollywood elite. So we felt like we were in good hands. We were in it for the success rate and had the money to pay for it at that time. I couldn't give two shits about Hollywood elitists, for the record.
In one year, after so many hormonal treatments, I was blessed with a pregnancy. I was over the moon excited and terrified at the same time. But I was taking it all in stride until I had two massive bleeding attacks before 10 weeks. I survived those, BUT THEN CAME THE CALL. I was at work and my OBGYN called me and said that based on some blood tests, that my baby's risk for Down's Syndrome was 1/3. Now, let me ground you... a positive test is like 1/250. Mine was 1/3! Daniella's father said to the doctor, "I guess it can't get much worse than 1/3", and she said, "well it could be 1/2". Wow did that make me feel better.
I ended up having a huge needle stuck in my belly (an early amnio) to get the actual genetic code of what was growing inside me. I paid extra for the rapid 48-hour results. Those hours (anything but rapid) might have been the worst 48 hours of my life. Do I terminate or abort a Down's Syndrome baby? Do I keep it? How hard would my life be? I cried sooooo many tears in those 48 hours. I felt selfish, confused, angry, and sad. And I wondered WHY!? WHY was this all happening to me!
During that time, I had been asking the Universe and God for help and for answers. I was saying a lot of prayers. In one of those days waiting for results, I had to to go to work. I got in my car and I turned on the radio. The first words I heard were "don't worry about a thing... because every little thing is gonna be alright"--Bob Marley. At that very moment I absolutely knew I was receiving a message from God and that my baby and I were going to be just fine!
Fast forward to so many years later... TODAY! I was telling her this exact Down Syndrome story because something sparked the conversation. She's intrigued to hear these stories and I love to tell her them. She asked me what I would have done if she did indeed have Down Syndrome. Would I have kept her? She asks with such an innocent curiosity. I told her, with all honesty, I have no clue. And, that in and of itself breaks my heart. Because now knowing her, I can't imagine my life without her. DS or not.
Interestingly, later in the day, we had a 'moment'. So in San Pedro, we lose power maybe once every couple of weeks. It's an annoyance for sure, but it never lasts that long and as long as we aren't working or in school it's not a huge deal.
Today when the power went out we were not working or in school so we needed no electricity at that moment. So we sprayed ourselves with mosquito repellant and went to sit on our ocean balcony with my little Bose speaker. We were just enjoying life. Then Daniella decided to go home as she was planning to cook me dinner and we saw the electricity was back on (God bless her soul). But, she ran out saying "OMG, we flooded the apartment!!!!". When the power went out, the water also turns off. So I accidently left the sink in the "on" position. I called on the maintenance guy and asked if he had a dry vac! I think he may have laughed at me. He's awesome, I'm just US-ignorant.
Anyhow, without a dry vac, Daniella and I went old school. And, a previous version of me would have lost my shit, screaming, yelling, freaking out, etc. However, today’s version of me took a totally different approach. We ran around gathering towels, clothes, anything absorbent all while laughing sooooo hard. In the heat of the moment, I asked her, do you want to go back to the states and she said, without a second of hesitation, "hellnah" (creole?). God I love my little baby! We blasted Bob Marley's song because we know with all certainty that, every little thing is going to be alright. <3<3<3
(I decided to do some pilates since I didn't get my workout in today! But the real healthy part for both of us was that boost in T-Cells from laughing so hard and, most importantly, yet another funny memory of our life abroad!)